Forbidden Words and Phrases

The difference between gym socks and truffles is they don’t cost $300 per ounce, and any dog can easily find them. In my opinion, they smell the same. But not all words and phrases smell the same. I know what sound reasonable enough to use in everyday conversation when rolling off my tongue without the taste of socks, at least where I come from. As a perspiring writer I want to sound write. I also want to feel right, so I’ve put together a list of words and phrases that produce a visceral reaction, like the one I have with truffles.

Words and phrases that make my skin crawl

Vittles –n- Fixins, a combination of any or all unidentifiable animal parts cooked in hot grease, can only be used south of the Mason Dixon line.
Truth be told, except if you’re a habitual liar which covers about 30% of us.
Any word followed by N-stuff.
Know what I’m sayin’, yes, because you just said it.
No for the love of God, except if you’re an atheist, then, it would just be, for the love of.
In a perfect world could only be used by those living inside of a Leave it to Beaver rerun.
Not in my back yard could only be used by those who live in houses with actual back yards. For those who live in cars, Not in my back seat would be sufficient.
The word Fashionista equals 50 lashes.
The long and the short of it is a phrase that has confused linguists for decades. Glad I’m not alone.
The word genre would only be used when in France but would require a permit.
Maybe yes, maybe no, should only be used when asked, “do you want to die?”
After saying, all in a days work, one must have dirt under their fingernails.
No bumper stickers saying, My dog is smarter than your honor student, unless it can be proven that licking ass is part of the curriculum.

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