Donald ‘Tang’ has me feeling awful

I feel awful. Not high winds, heavy rain, Pacific Northwest awful. This is far worse. This is “Dude, where the fuck is my country?” awful. It feels a little like a heroin hangover, like something is terribly wrong, and I don’t know how I got here. I’ve restrained myself from chiming in this election season for the sake of my diminishing sanity, plus I don’t want to go back to prison. If I did have a gun, I would shoot my T.V.

I wrote a piece a year ago during the primaries entitle, My stump speech. This was before Donald Trump, aka “Tang,” emerged as the sole clown left in the clown car full of Elephants. I wrote it with the idea that there no fucking way, yet, here we are. Rosie dubbed him the Orange Anus, I call him Tang because he’s completely orange. Not sun shine orange, but toxic chemical burn orange. Plus, the drink is meant to be consumed in outer space and he lives in outer space. I had to drink Tang as a kid and it too made me ill and full of resentment. All that’s missing for him is the orange jumpsuit.

At first, he was a curiosity, then an oddity before slithering his way into the Republican driver’s seat. Now it’s a national 50 state pile up. We can’t look away from the carnage.

I saw a quote by 19th century Chinese poet Lin Yutang today that read, “When small men begin to cast long shadows, the sun is about to set.” Didn’t really like the sound of that, but it made me think about ole’ Candidate Tang again.

I plan to vote with my vote, early and often and pray the sun will rise again on Nov. 9. There’s much work to be done. I fear there will be no gracious concession speech from the maw of this despicable creature. He can always appear on an episode of The Biggest Loser. Maybe he can win that. This is a guy with an eternal hard-on. Hell-bent on destroying anyone who doesn’t agree with his half sentences, nonexistent attention span and vitriolic bile. Unfortunately, Tang is just a placeholder for the insanity effecting the country. After he gets knocked out in the first round another Tang will emerge and pick up his hateful mantle. Where do we go from here, political whack-a-mole?


H.C. talks about affordable education for all. Tang supporters view it as a bad thing. A government conspiracy to make them smarter? How disrespectful is that. I got my education courtesy of the Bureau of Prison, a good one too. It helped me become interested in other people, and a little less self-obsessed. Helped me start reading labels. I found out what’s in that jar of Tang: secret shit that’s bad for you.

Buyer beware on Election Day. Read the label.

3 thoughts on “Donald ‘Tang’ has me feeling awful

  1. Valerie Sussman

    Doug– so well stated. So glad you have found your brilliance as a writer. You expressed all my thoughts, yet way more eloquently than I ever could. I am so excited to be a witness to your honest, raw, and eloquent future!


  2. freaking funny as always Doug. You make me LOL with this little treasure…”This was before Donald Trump, aka, “Tang,” emerged as the sole clown left in the clown car full of Elephants.” And I love the quote! So frightening true. Keep up sharing your wonderful and hilarious perspective on the world!!


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