If you want to be hit in the face with an olfactory 2x4, step inside any one of the fromageries sprinkled about Paris. You'll find no aerosol Fromage Whizz in France. Be it sheep (brebis), goat (chèvre) or cow (vache), it's all udderly delicious. I was late to the fondue and have only recently …
I'm a carpenter by trade and usually carry an over abundance of dirt under my fingernails. But now, I find myself a writer in Paris, and have traded in my bag of hammers for a pen, or a Mac. My hands have never been softer. I'm thinking of changing my name to Madge. When Marie …
In the horn honking competition, Parisians are second only to the Italians, followed by clowns, with Canadian geese and taxis rounding out the field. Parisian streets are thin. The city planners of the tenth century were a tad short-sighted on where things were going, the people were smaller and le Big Mac wasn't even a …
When I put the paddles to the chest of my dying blog site, I decided I didn't just want to be the guy who occasionally blasts WTF rockets out into cyberspace from my frenzied little launchpad for your fleeting, token enjoyment. I also want to provide something a little more meaty, something you could really …
If my Mother were alive today, she would say with great angst, “why would you want to be a writer,” while wringing her hands. Good question Mom. People kept telling me, “you should write a book.” I had read a lot of books on my prison bunk and had a captive audience for some of …
Being a self published author requires me to squeeze in time to think about myself in between the time I already think about myself. There's not much time left over. When I'm on Twitter talking about myself, I feel like I'm in a stadium full of self published authors all talking about themselves, I can …
I recently got a secret message in the mail. It informed me that I now qualify for entry into a special club, a club that takes most of a lifetime to gain entry. All I had to do was stay alive, which for me, as an ex hope to die junkie, has been quite an …
I’m a cabinet maker, and I know a thing or two about burning through a thin layer of veneer. So I couldn't look away during a flight from Chicago when I noticed a fellow passenger burn through her personal veneer, rather quickly exposing her not so attractive inner core. At first glance, the woman assigned …
“THIS is terrible, I am cursed. YOU are the THIRD one in a row," the middle eastern taxi driver snarled from the front seat, his eyes glaring at me through the slit of the rear-view mirror. “How can I possibly make any money today with such undesirables?” I looked around, but it was just me and …
Hey Seattleites, want to take a non-stop flight from Seattle to Oklahoma City, maybe go see the Banjo museum or the Coyote Ugly bar made famous by the shitty movie I saw when I was in prison 15 years ago? What a disappointment. I’d rather eat a bucket of worms in a dust bowl. The …
