Ex Con Descending on Paris
I know some of you are thinking, will this guy ever write anything useful to me? Probably not, but I will tell this: never put an eggplant in the microwave and never siphon gas with a shop vac. Beyond those two helpful hints, I'm pretty much tapped out, except on the subject of my ongoing adventure, …
Continue reading For What It’s Worth
Bonjour, mes amis! It's Douglas—phonetically pronounced Dooglaw—checking in from Paris. Learning a language is très difficile. Now I know what it feels like to be a baby, as it relates to language, that is. I'm learning all the time. I've just received confirmation, that, "vous êtes une chauve-souris," I'm bald as a bat. After looking in the …
Continue reading I’m in kindergarten, They Can’t Put Me Back
It's Paris fashion week, I can tell because a member of the Von Trapp family just sauntered by wearing designer lederhosen. Also on display are razor thin, pout stricken models in tattered denim. Unfortunately, the homeless drug addict look is big this year. Excited to participate, I pull out my marino wool Costco socks, hmm, …
If you want to be hit in the face with an olfactory 2x4, step inside any one of the fromageries sprinkled about Paris. You'll find no aerosol Fromage Whizz in France. Be it sheep (brebis), goat (chèvre) or cow (vache), it's all udderly delicious. I was late to the fondue and have only recently …
An endless procession of anaemic scooters, and with the same whiney intensity as weed eaters, take over my street at dusk. Like the little guy with the big mouth who won't shut up. Like me. They aren't going fast, but they are definitely pushing the limits of rotations per minute as demonstrated by the way …
Words of wisdom from a bumbling American tourist: if you’re looking to endear a group of foreign religious pilgrims, let your transition lenses adjust from the glaring sunlight before making your grand entrance into the dark mid-evil dungeon that is Musée de Cluny. I thought, wow, what’s that? and made a beeline towards a 600 …
I've had a temporary power outage. It's been all things Trump, all the time. A form of walking pneumonia. I see his ugly hateful face, even in my dreams, and I seethe. I see a glory thirsty monster that would knock off the Dalai Lama if he thought he could steal that title too. Man …
Continue reading The Collateral Damage of Trump’s Spiritual Bankrutpcy
